This one I’m not quite happy with, but I couldn’t bring myself to edit it any further.  ”Teardrop” became my first story to appear in print in the 2007 edition of Bartleby.  It won the award for short fiction that year, so now I can pretentiously refer to myself as “award winning author, Jeremy Hentschel.”  This story is about a little girl growing up in the sticks, and it’s dedicated to my mother.

Teardrop

I hated Christmas time. Some kids got presents on Christmas. Momma and Daddy told me I was a bad little girl, and I didn’t deserve no presents. Every year I woke up hoping Santa came, and every year I saw nothing under that tree. After a while I didn’t even bother to check no more.

The only presents I ever got were for my birthday, but they weren’t from Momma or Daddy neither. My grandma and grandpa sent me a birthday card every year, and inside it there was always a five dollar bill. Daddy always took it out before he gave me the card, but I didn’t care. The cards were always beautiful, and I kept them all in a shoe box under the bed. The best part was what my grandma and grandpa wrote inside each card. Every time I went over to their house they made sure I practiced my reading so I could read what they sent me. My favorite one came on my eighth birthday, April 10^th, 1969 – the last year I ever saw them. It went like this:

“Happy Birthday Rose! Every year you get prettier. We hope we even recognize you next time you visit! Love, Grandma and Grandpa.”

***

I was dreaming about moving real far away. The road was open, and the sky was clear. A handsome man was driving me east, out of West Virginia. He was shaved real clean, and his long hair flowed in the wind, rippling like silk. He was wearing sunglasses, so I couldn’t see his eyes. As I reached up to pull them away, my whole body froze up in shock. I felt like a thousand pins stabbed me all at once up and down my face and chest.

“Wake up, you lumps!”

I choked and reached up to my face, wiping the freezing water from my eyes. Suzy was crying. She was still little, and she hadn’t gotten used to this like we did yet. This is how Momma woke us up every morning when she was in a nasty mood.

Our bedroom was a little part of the house that was supposed to be for one person. When I was born, it was. Then Brittany and Suzy were born, and we had to share. Our bed sat under the single window in the room. Our house was right up against the woods, so the view out the back window was nothing but trees. We had a lamp sitting on the dresser across the room from our bed. Sometimes we could use it, other times we just had to use the window for light because Momma said a man came and took away the power.

I got out of bed shivering and stumbled over to the dresser where I had folded up the clothes I wore the day before. I liked to pretend like I had a huge closet in my room, like a movie star. Every morning when I woke up, I could step inside the closet in my huge house and think real hard about what beautiful dress I wanted to wear that day. I stripped off the soaked jammies I was wearing and pulled the t-shirt and overalls that I wore every day out of my tiny drawer on the bottom of the dresser. The shirt had a stain, but I could cover it up if I wore the pants and ‘spenders right. The overalls had holes in the knees, but I could pretend like they was there on purpose, because then it was cool. I grabbed the brush off the top of the dresser – all four of us had to share one – and plucked the girls’ hair from the night before out of it. I looked in the cracked mirror and brushed, pulling through the knots and trying to make my hair as straight as I could. As I put the brush down next to the card my grandma and grandpa sent me the month before on my eighth birthday, I looked behind me in the mirror. Suzy was still bawling. Brittany had taken to yelling at her to stop.

“Shut up, baby!”

“I can’t help it!”

Brittany reached back and smacked Suzy across the face. Suzy screamed even louder now, a hurt look in her eyes as she touched her face where she was hit. Slamming the brush down, I walked over to the bed and socked Brittany in the arm as hard as I could.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Don’t hit Suzy, Britt. You used to cry louder than she does.”

Brittany shot a look at me, both hurt and embarrassed, and stomped off to the kitchen. I could hear her tattling to Momma that I hit her, but Momma didn’t care. She probably asked why she didn’t just hit me back.

“Are you okay Suzy?”

“Yea,” she sniffled and wiped the snot from her nose.

I kissed her on the forehead and walked out to the kitchen too. Momma and Daddy had a room next to ours, but the kitchen and that were the only other rooms in the house. The kitchen smelled real bad most of the time. It was the greasy pans in the kitchen sitting in the sink that made it smell like that. The floor was plain wood, just like the rest of the house, but this was the only room with wallpaper. It used to be pretty – white with flowers. Now, the white was turning yellow, and the flowers look like they were going to rot.

Brittany was sitting at the table already, crossing her arms and sulking. Momma was fixing us breakfast. All we had was toast, and each of us got two slices. Sometimes Momma burnt it, but we ate it anyway though. Otherwise, we just didn’t eat.

“You hurry up in there, Suzy, or else I’m giving yours to the dogs!” Momma hollered to the next room.

Suzy hurried in, tears still fresh on her face, because she knew from experience that Momma meant it. We all sat down together at the table and ate. Daddy had left for work long before we woke up. He worked all day in the mine. He’d be back tonight, dirty, drunk, and in a nasty mood.

A horn blared from the front lawn twice. The school bus! I didn’t go to school much. I didn’t like it there at all, so lots of times I pretended like I was going to the bus, but I really snuck out to explore the woods or crop fields, but today I had to go. I was going to visit Grandma and Grandpa tomorrow, and they always liked to see me do well on my spelling tests. I had one today, and I studied real hard to make them happy. I just knew if I brought that test to them with a big “A” in red on the top they’d just cover me in kisses.

“Love you, Momma!” I yelled as I crammed down the last piece of toast and ran out the front door before the bus left me behind.

“Love you too, darlin’.”

***

The next morning I faked getting on the school bus and snuck around back of the house. I began my proud victory march through the woods path toward my Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I learned the way there back when Grandpa used to visit us. I could go through the forest, and there was a path that led almost all the way there. They lived about an hour’s walk away on a farm up in the hills. They raised all kinds of animals. Chickens, goats, cows, and they even had a bull. He was a mean one. I didn’t like him much at all.

I practically skipped through that woods path. My spelling test, marked with a “B+” on the top, rested up against my stomach in the front pocket of my overalls. The warm feeling inside me matched the beautiful sunny sky of that spring day. As I walked through the forest, I could hear, smell, and feel the life all around me. The birds up in the trees were singing, the flowers along the path swayed in the wind, and warm rays from the sun poked through the tree branches overhead, showering down to light my path.

After about a half hour, the woods stopped and the fields of my Grandma and Grandpa’s farm began. A stroll through the high grass took me to their land. A big wood fence marked where it started. A cold knot wound tight in my stomach and took away that nice feeling the spelling test gave me. I shoved my hands in my front pockets, gripping onto that test tight. Somewhere beyond that fence Teardrop, their bull, was waiting for me. He was a nasty monster. I begged grandma and grandpa to get rid of him every time I saw them, but they said they needed him. I didn’t know for what. I stood there for five long minutes, just like I did every time before, wondering if it was worth it. The front entrance to their farm was on the opposite side of their land, so I would have to walk a big circle around the whole field to get there. If I did that, I’d not get much time with my Grandma and Grandpa at all. Just like every other visit, I made the same choice. I bent down and stuck one leg through the fence, then the other, ducking my head through the center. Maybe I wouldn’t run into him today, I thought.

I walked quickly with my hands in my front pockets, holding on tightly to my test. I kept my head down, half of me scared to see him, the other half scared not to. If I didn’t see him, maybe he couldn’t see me.

After walking for fifteen more minutes, I reached the middle of the field. I knew because there was a single tree growing along the path I take. Keeping trees growing in your field is not something most take to, but Grandpa said the tree was just too beautiful to tear out of the ground. I always rested there beneath the tree, like a big leafy umbrella, and that day was no different. I sat down and plopped my back against the trunk. From the middle, the field is beautiful and scary. Looking out into the wide, open space, I felt at home and lost. From the middle, I could look in every direction and see nothing but grass and sky.

I made it all the way to the other end of the field before I ran into him. I looked up and caught sight of the fence up ahead, and then I saw him. He was grazing off to the right, not quite between me and the fence, but, if he caught wind of me, he could be fast. I didn’t want to get his attention, so I didn’t just run for the fence. I tried to be as calm as I could, just walking fast, keeping my eyes right on him. I started sweating something fierce. I made it about halfway to the fence, then he looked up. He saw me.

Teardrop turned and looked my way with that crazy look in his eyes that I had seen too many times for my own good. He stood out something fierce against the soft field – there was nothing soft about Teardrop. His skin was black as night, and his eyes were dark islands in oceans of white. I looked at him, and he looked at me. I ran.

I yanked my hands out of my pockets and sprinted for safety. He kicked up dust, getting ready to charge. I was almost there. Twenty feet. Fifteen. Ten. I tripped. My arms flew in the air, trying to break my fall. They failed, and I got a face full of dirt and grass. I pushed myself up off the ground, spitting crud out of my mouth. Where was he? I looked left. I looked right. He wasn’t anywhere. I got to my feet and ran with all my might for the fence. I could hear him charging at my back. His warm breath shot out onto the back of my neck. My legs burned. The cuts on my arms from the fall hurt so bad, but I didn’t dare stop running. Finally, I reached the fence! No time to go through the middle. I threw myself to the ground, hoping to God in Heaven that Teardrop didn’t stomp all over me, and rolled under the fence.

I made it! I shook the dirt out of my hair and got to my feet, brushing myself off. Teardrop bucked fiercely on the other side of the fence, but he knew his bounds.

“Beat you, you dumb bull!”

I flipped up my middle finger at him – even at my age I knew when to do that – and I stuffed one hand in my pocket to check on my precious test. It wasn’t there. I turned my pocket inside out – nothing. Did I… ?

I looked over the fence, past Teardrop, and saw my test laying in the dirt. It must have fallen out of my pocket when I was running or when I tripped. It was only ten feet into the field, but Teardrop ran back and forth just beyond the fence between me and my test. It may as well have been on the moon. I dropped down to my knees and began crying. I was so close. Tears rolled down my face, mixing with dirt to make muddy trails down my cheeks.

“It’s not fair!” I cried.

After a few minutes, I just stood up. I hung my head low and started the last part of the trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s house defeated. As I walked away, I could hear Teardrop snorting and stomping behind me in victory.

***

“You poor thing!” my grandma said. She rushed toward my sorry figure standing in the doorway to their house. I was still sniffling. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my hair three times.

“What did you go and get yourself into?”

“Teardrop.”

“You silly girl! I told you not to mess with that ornery critter! He could have killed you!”

“I’m sorry, grandma.”

“Aww, baby, let me get you cleaned up.”

Grandma took me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table with a glass of apple juice. It looked like she had it waiting for when I got there.

“You just wait right here, and Grandma will be right back.”

I sat in the kitchen chair, my feet not quite reaching the floor, and looked around the familiar place. It wasn’t brown and dirty like my house. Grandma had beautiful flower wallpaper all around the kitchen. The flowers were purple and blue, and they grew all over the clean white wall. Pots and pans hung above the stove, and a sweet lemon smell came from the sink where dishes were soaking. Pictures of the family hung on the wall over the table. There was a picture of Momma and Daddy with me when we was all younger, and above that there was a picture of Grandma and Grandpa at the same age with Daddy when he was little. Grandma told me one day, when I met the right man, there would be a picture of me and him on the wall with our baby. I didn’t care if Teardrop broke every bone in my body. If I could stay here forever, it would be worth it.

“Here you go kiddo,” Grandma said, returning with a bottle of peroxide, cotton swabs, and a cookie, “This is going to sting, but just munch on this cookie, okay baby doll?”

I nodded, taking the cookie and biting down into the soft dough just before the first splash of peroxide soaked my cuts. I cried, but the cookie helped. When it was all over, I sipped at my apple juice and Grandma told me how brave I was.

My Grandma had smooth skin. Lots of old people got all wrinkly and dry, but Grandma looked real pretty. She had a full head of thick, grey hair. Her eyes were soft and blue, and looking at them made me forget about my bumps and scrapes right away.

Grandma and I talked about this and that for awhile, went over my grammar and spelling, and then she let me bake a new batch of cookies with her. I thought about mentioning the lost spelling test, but I decided not to. The next one would be more special if I just didn’t say anything then. She got the ingredients together, but she let me mix them and scoop the dough onto the tray. I slid it into the oven, and she set the temperature. While we waited for them to cook, she tickled me and blew raspberries on my tummy. Before long, Grandpa got back from working on the farm.

“Grandpa!” I squealed and ran to him.

“Munchkin!”

Grandpa was tall as a tree. He had hair like salt and pepper, and sweet blue eyes like my Grandma. His features were harder than Grandma’s, and his hands were rough, but they still made me feel so safe and wonderful when he held me.

I leapt into his arms, and he lifted me high into the air, spinning in a circle. When we came to a stop, he raised me to his face and kissed me on the nose. I giggled, and he set me down.

“I swear, if you keep getting so big, Grandpa is going to throw his back out trying that one day.”

“Never!”

The cookies were done cooking not long after Grandpa got home. Grandma set them by the window to cool off while she made dinner for us. I sat in Grandpa’s lap at the kitchen table and listened to his stories about the farm that week while Grandma fixed us eggs and bacon. I was so hungry, but I ate slowly. I always did at their house.

“Dinner is delicious Grandma, thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome sweetie pie.”

“Grandma?”

“Yes?”

“Can I stay here?”

The smile faded from Grandma’s face. Grandpa looked down at his plate, picking at the eggs with his fork.

“Rose, you ask every time you come visit. You know you can’t baby.”

I leaned forward against the table, looking up at my Grandma with pleading eyes.

“But why? I’m so happy here. And you and Grandpa love me, right? I could stay here and help Grandpa with the farm, and we could be together like this every day!”

“You heard your Grandma, Rose. Don’t push it. You got a good home and loving parents right where you are.”

His eyes stayed down at his plate when he said the last part.

“Okay,” I said.

The rest of dinner had a gloomy silence to it, but by the time I helped Grandma with the dishes, we had started giggling again. With the plates clean and the sun going down, I said goodbye to Grandma. Just like every week, Grandpa took the truck and drove me back to the house. He never wanted to come in. He dropped me off down the road and sat in his car to make sure I got inside the house safe. Every time I visited always ended the same way, but there was always hope that next time would be different.

***

I lay in bed that night crying. The room was pitch black, so it didn’t matter if I had my eyes open or not. One of my sisters had peed the bed. This happened a lot. Brittany blamed it on Suzy, but I lay between those two, and I know what side it started at. There was nothing I could do but lay there in it, holding my breath between tears.

Daddy came home late that night. He seemed like he was in a better mood than his normal self. He wasn’t hollering like he usually did, not at first at least.

I could hear them through the wall.

“Well look what the cat dragged in. What are you doing walking in here so late, Roger?” Momma said.

Daddy closed the door behind him and then threw his heavy tools down next to it.

“Don’t take that attitude with me. I got good news from work today.”

“You actually went to work today? That sounds like good enough news for me.”

“That’s real cute, Sue. They need a new assistant foreman over at the Oldtown mine in Maryland. I told them yes.”

A sharp crash shot through the door. Momma must’ve dropped whatever she was holding.

“You did what? Roger! You know my whole family lives here in Keyser. I don’t want to move to some town in another state!”

“It’s not a choice for you to make, Sue. The decision’s been made – I signed the contract. We’re moving next week.”

Momma cried too.

“That’s just like you, woman! I come home from the mine where I break my back all day to provide for you, and this is the thanks I get – for getting a promotion!”

“I didn’t ask you to take no promotion! We’re happy right here in Keyser!”

“How long do you think we’ll be here in Keyser if the bills keep coming like they do, Sue? They’re about ready to cut off the power. The water’ll be next! If I don’t take this job, we’re through.”

“We could make do,” Momma said.

“Oh, really? How do you think we’ll ‘make do,’ Sue? What are you willing to give up? We got three little girls to feed, unless, of course, we take my pa up on his offer. We might be able get by with Rose living up there on the farm.”

“I told that nosy man last time he was here, and if he ever shows his face in this house again, I’ll say the same thing! Nobody is raising my babies but me! We don’t need no charity.”

“We do need charity, Sue. We either give up Rose or I take this job.”

“You heard what I said.”

“Oh, to Hell with you, woman! I’ll make the decision for us. I’m taking that job, and we’re moving to Maryland. That’s final. Now, clean this damn mess up!”

I heard the door slam again as Daddy stormed out, and then another crash ripped through the house.

“I hate you!” Momma yelled.

She cried a long time. When I couldn’t hear her no more, I slipped out of bed, put on my clothes from the day before, and snuck out of the house. I didn’t want to go to Maryland neither, but I wasn’t going to give up that easy.

***

Trying to find my way through the woods at night was tough. I held out my hands in front of me and they got cut up on the tree branches that reached over the path. My heart stopped every time I started to trip over a rock or root, but somehow I made it to my Grandpa’s field. I climbed between the fence posts like normal, and I prayed to God in Heaven that Teardrop wasn’t out that night.

Since I was out of the woods, the stars and moon in the sky helped me see my way in the field. After a while, I made it halfway to my tree. Something didn’t look right. A big heap of something was lying at the bottom of the tree. I crept closer to see what it was. It was moving! I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized it was Teardrop. He was sleeping deep. I started to sneak away, but before I got out of sight, I turned back and looked at him. His chest went up and down slowly in the darkness. I had never seen him look so peaceful.

Soon enough I made it to the other end of the field. I climbed through the fence and made my way up to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. It was real late, and I didn’t know if they were asleep or not. I didn’t even know what they’d say when I got there. I couldn’t just tell them I ran away from home. Grandpa would just take me back. I stood on the porch a long time trying to think what to do, but finally I gave up. I couldn’t go in there. I climbed down the steps from the porch and wandered around my Grandma and Grandpa’s land. I saw a shed in the distance, and it gave me an idea. The chicken coop! I could hide in there for the night. That would have to do.

I tried to be real quiet as I snuck inside the coop, trying not to wake up the chickens and cause a racket. They all sat sleeping in all their little pens. I found a corner to curl up in, cried for a little bit, and then joined them.

***

“Rose! What are you doing in here?”

I woke up and saw Grandpa hunched over me, concern on his face. He must’ve thought there was an emergency at my house.

“I ran away.”

Grandpa’s face slacked a little. A different kind of concern entered his eyes. He took off the gloves he wore to handle the chickens and sat down next to me.

“Ran away, huh?”

I wrapped my arms around my legs and pulled my knees into my chest.

“Uh-uh,” I sniffled.

He nodded his head.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No,” I said.

“Okay.”

We just sat there for a long time, and finally I broke down into sobs and grabbed on to Grandpa. He held me close, and I cried into his chest. He ran his hand over my hair, whispering to me that it would be alright.

“Are you mad at me, Grandpa?”

“No, I’m not mad sweetie. I just think you need to think this through. Running away is no answer.”

“Daddy says we’re moving real far away, to Maryland. I’m not going to get to see you no more.”

“Is that so?” Grandpa said.

We sat there a little longer, my Grandpa’s rough hand caressing my head.

“You know I got to take you back home, don’t you Rose?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Good girl.”

We stepped outside into the morning light and walked down to his truck. Before we got in, he kneeled down and put his hands on my shoulders.

“You just remember Rose, your grandmother and I love you very much. You’ve become such a fine young lady, and you got your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let nothing that happens at home keep you from living that life. You’re going to be real happy one day. You’ll always be in our hearts, and we’ll be with you in yours, no matter what. Okay kiddo?”

“I love you, Grandpa.”

“I love you too.”

***

Momma must’ve seen us coming up the road. She stormed out the front door as Grandpa’s truck pulled up to the front porch.

“You better have a damn good explanation for this, Wilbur!”

“Hello, Sue,” Grandpa said.

He stepped out of the truck and came around to the side to let me out. I held his hand as we walked toward the house, but Momma rushed up and pulled me away. She squeezed my arm so hard I thought she was going to pull it off.

“Get your hands off her! I ought to call the police down here right this instant and have you slapped in jail for kidnapping!”

“Ain’t no kidnapping if the kid comes to you, Sue. I found Rose holed up in the chicken house this morning, and I brought her straight back to you. That’s all.”

Momma turned her fiery eyes at me.

“What did I tell you about going up there? It’s dangerous! We don’t want nothing to do with this man, Rose!”

“Momma, you’re hurting me!” I cried.

Grandpa stepped forward.

“Damn it, Sue. You’ve never gotten along with my wife and I, but she is our granddaughter. You have no right.”

Momma shot a finger out at Grandpa.

“You’re the one with no right to come onto my land and tell me what I can and can’t do! Ain’t nobody going to tell me how to raise my children.”

Grandpa sighed and looked at the ground.

“I can see I’m not wanted here. Okay Sue, have it your way. Best of luck to you in Maryland. Goodbye, Rose. I love you.”

“Grandpa!” I yelled.

I tried to run to him, but Momma held onto my shoulder so tight I couldn’t move. As Grandpa got into the truck, he glanced toward the house. Daddy stood at the window, holding onto the frame, looking out at Grandpa. Their eyes met for a second, and then Daddy looked away and turned around. Grandpa’s eyes went dull for a moment, and he just stood there, half in the truck, half out.

“Go on, git!” Momma spat.

Grandpa pressed his lips together and sat down in the truck. He pulled away in silence, and that was the last time I ever saw him.

***

Two weeks later, we started packing up our few things to move to Maryland. We didn’t have enough suitcases for all of us, so I had to put my clothes in a grocery bag. Brittany and Suzy did the same, but Momma and Daddy had real bags for themselves. We loaded it all up into Daddy’s truck that rainy Sunday morning and got ready to leave Keyser forever.

The last thing I took from the house was my shoe box with all of Grandma and Grandpa’s cards in it. I held on to it real tight for the whole car ride. When Momma asked me what was in it, I told her school stuff.

As Daddy pulled out of the lawn, I turned around, stuffed between Brittany and Suzy in the back seat, and took a look at what I called home since I was born. The tiny thing, not too much bigger than Grandpa’s chicken coop, got smaller and smaller as we drove away until it disappeared. I miss that house. I miss Grandma and Grandpa. I even miss Teardrop.